LONELINESS
We humans need connection to feel our best. Having meaningful relationships helps us stay
healthy and fulfilled, and without them, it’s easy to feel lonely.
Heavy workloads, busy lifestyles, and living far from others can leave little time or energy
for personal relationships.
Social media, remote work, and the on-demand way of life — where we can buy and do
everything online — reduce everyday interactions, shrinking our social networks.
Major life changes, transitions, or the search for meaning can also deepen feelings of
disconnection from others and the world.
APPROACH TO HEALING LONELINESS
Loneliness can arise in many life situations:
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Breakups
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Moving
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Living alone
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Parenting
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Aging
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Facing physical limitations
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Estrangement
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Retirement
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Financial challenges
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Going to a new school
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Bereavement
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Issues with race and gender
Any situation where we feel invisible, unseen or misunderstood affects our social, mental, and physical well-being, and the deep pain from loneliness is a signal — like hunger, it reminds us of our need — a need for connection and belonging.
Connection matters IN HEALING LONELINESS
Knowing who you can turn to in difficult times — those who understand, care, and accept you — makes a meaningful difference. Together, we will take the time to listen to this feeling, foster self-compassion, and begin exploring ways to nurture meaningful relationships that bring greater comfort and purpose to your life.
Common Questions on LONELINESS
Why am I lonely?
Loneliness isn't always about being alone. Even when you are surrounded by others, you can feel lonely from not feeling truly seen, understood or connected. Sometimes loneliness can happen after a life change, loss, relationship ending, or during a time when you are stressed, overwhelmed and retreat from others.
Why am I lonely when I have friends?
Having friends doesn't always mean you feel close to them. You may have people in your life and still long for deeper conversations, more intimacy, or relationships where you can feel comfortable being fully yourself. It also may be a signal that you are reevaluating relationships and what is important to you at this time in life.
How can I make meaningful friendships as an adult?
Making friends as an adult can take time and intention, and the loneliness that comes with wanting meaningful relationships can be painful. Friendships often grow through small, repeated moments of spending time together rather than happening all at once. During this process, it can help to talk to yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you would offer a close friend—reminding yourself that discomfort, awkwardness, and even disappointment are part of trying something new, not signs that there is something wrong with you or that you’re doing something wrong. It takes courage to keep showing up, especially when closeness doesn't happen right away.
It can also help to remind yourself why you're willing to move through this uncomfortable period. Meaningful relationships take time to develop, and continuing to reach out creates opportunities for them to grow. Cultivating patience and self-compassion is important, as it’s easy to become self-critical or discouraged when connection doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d hoped. These feelings can make it harder to take the small steps that create opportunities for deeper connection.
Heidi Biersch is a therapist specializing in addressing loneliness. She can help you foster self-compassion, and begin exploring ways to nurture meaningful relationships that bring greater comfort and purpose to your life. Heidi offers appointments online and in Sonoma, California.